So many things happened over the span of time I last blogged.

Some were happy, some weren't.

And now, I am probably in the latter. I've been trying my very best to maintain a strong front, to sound like I am really okay and nothing is gonna affect me as much anymore.

But somehow, I am wrong. He affected me way more than I thought. I overestimated my abilities to remain stoic.

In short, I got swayed. I've always thought that this will never happen. But it did.

However, I think my feelings got swayed at the wrong time. And now I am at the stage of ambiguity, the stage of self-doubt, the stage of not knowing what is going on with his side and..

The stage of giving up.

In all honesty, we've been drifting apart alot. There's so many things that I want to tell him, so many things I want to hang out and tell him everything. About my Korea exchange, about stepping up as a leader, about everything and anything. But no chances given. I know I should be straightforward about it because guys catch no hints but

why me? Why must it always be me doing it? This obviously shows that things ain't the same anymore.

I'm just so tired and I am trying my very best to not let it affect the side of me working. But if there are times that I subconsciously bring my personal mood to work, please forgive me; I am really trying.

Maybe the next meet up with him, I'll clear the air, despite how reluctant I am to do it but

I really can feel myself breaking if things remain this way.